Teach Me How Not To Care

I had a meeting the other day. I hate meetings.

It’s not that they aren’t necessary, they just don’t seem to accomplish anything.

At least the ones I’m part of.

The room slowly fills up with self proclaimed “assholes” who don’t mind being the “bad guy”.

They said it, not me.

Then that one guy who ignored his calendar reminder walks in 15 minutes late and asks questions for the rest of the meeting because he missed the first 10 slides.

Everyones chests puff up like birds as they prepare to defend their point.

How pointless.

But then there are those select few, usually one or two, who text, surf the web and day dream.

I admire them. They walk the line without any fear of getting caught. They don’t even try to act interested.

I’m always afraid. I’m always faking like I care. I’m a phony.

I do what’s expected of me because I’m too scared of what might happen if I don’t.

I care too much. I can’t get through the day without dreading the sound of my bosses footsteps.

I’d rather be the “bad employee”. The one everyone complains about over lunch as they scarf down hot wings.

Because maybe bad employees go home feeling free rather than feeling like they just ran a marathon.

That’s what fear, worry and self-consciousness feel like. A mental marathon.

My mind is tired. I don’t want to run anymore.

I just want to fly like a hawk and float in the wind. I just want to live.

Who cares about the impressions we make. Let’s just try to be good human beings. Our intentions are what matter.

Maybe I’ll get fired on Monday. Or maybe I’ll learn to love. Because love is unconditionally carefree.

We don’t give ourselves enough credit for being wonderful. We don’t give ourselves the chance to be grateful.

Our minds are flooded with mental makeup in an effort to cover our so called “flaws” in front of others.

We don’t have to do that anymore, we’re perfectly imperfect. No matter what they say or how we feel.

Change Your Mind About Change

I saw a lonely tree starting to lose its leaves.

Each gust of wind tugged another leaf loose from its summer home.

As I watched the leaves fall, I thought to myself, the seasons are changing.

I flinched at the thought of winter.

What is change? Maybe this tree had more to say.

I wanted to know what happens to trees in autumn, so I did some research.

The two things that I found most interesting were:

  1. Trees lose leaves to preserve energy before the harsh weather.
  2. When they shed leaves, they pull nutrients from each one of the leaves and store it until next spring.
This tree was asking me to look at change in a new light. In its own way, it was showing me that letting go is what feeds us and prepares us for the next moment.

Really change is just a continuation. It’s a shift that uses what’s old to make room for something new.

And as sad I am to see summer slip away, I feel better knowing that it isn’t far. It’s still here somewhere, waiting patiently for its moment to shine again.

Life is a journey that allows us to continually begin again. And change is the thread that connects all of our new beginnings.

Our minds change, our bodies change, our feelings change. It’s part of being alive.

Change is much easier if we remember each passing moment without wishing moments never passed.

I’m most resistant to change when I try to imagine how things will turn out. Because I imagine things will only get worse.

But we don’t have to imagine the how. We can simply understand that things will change and leave it at that. Nothing more is needed.

Change is our chance to both let go and open up to new growth. Just like the tree.

If we tend to our fear of change with love, laughter and tears, even the hardest things will become softer.

Just smile and surrender to what’s happened, what’s here and what’s coming.

It’s all been designed so perfectly.

You Are Good

You’re a good mom. You’re a good dad. You’re a good grandma. You’re a good Grandpa. You’re a good brother. You’re a good sister. You’re a good cousin. You’re a good aunt. You’re a good uncle. You’re a good friend. You’re a good partner.

You’re a good person.

And every time you forget, remind yourself that your inherent goodness is always there. It’s never far.

Even when it becomes clouded with the difficulties of life, it’s still within reach.

Check in with yourself and ask “how do I feel?”. If you’re feeling off, acknowledge it and take a closer look. Try to really feel it rather than think about it or resist it.

Then close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and say “even though I’m feeling off, I’m allowed to feel good”.

Bad days are only temporary. Your mood, emotions and feelings can shift at any moment. Step back and create the space that allows for change.

Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to feel good by setting aside our negative thinking. The same way we let the mood of others impact our mood, we can let an idea or wish for happiness impact our mood in a positive way.

We blame ourselves for everything. It has a lot to do with our idea of being a specific kind of person. We have strict expectations and when things travel too far outside of those expectations, we point the finger back at ourselves.

There’s no need for blaming. It’s time we give ourselves some credit and appreciate the effort we put into our lives.

Putting ourselves down doesn’t solve our problems, it multiplies them.

We have to start encouraging ourselves because true happiness comes from within and we’ll never realize it if we continue to hold ourselves down.

Treat yourself well. You’re too good of a person not to.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Last weekend I was in New York and while I was there, I visited the 9/11 memorial. As I walked up to where the buildings once stood, my chest started to feel heavy. I could feel the pain in the air.

I looked at all the names engraved in stone and I couldn’t help but see the paradox. Young children playing, enjoying ice cream, brand new to life, in the same spot where so many people lost their lives sooner than necessary.

Life and death. Young and old. Today, tomorrow and yesterday. Right in front of us.

I wonder why we have such a hard time treating each other well, as if all this is going to last forever.

And I wonder why we get stuck in our ways, as if tomorrow isn’t a new day.

I’m not sure if we’re really paying attention. Because if we were, we’d probably treat ourselves, each other and our planet a little differently.

I just want you to ask yourself one thing before you take action “Would I want this for the world?”.

Live your life like the bird that leads the flock. Not flying too high or low, never steering the group into danger. Hoping to get there safely and together, the same way you left.

Love starts with you. No ones going to make the change for us. No matter how well they sell us their big idea or plan. It’s unrealistic.

No massive change will ever happen if we don’t make the little changes within our own lives to get the ball rolling.

Start right where you’re sitting.

Theres just as much happiness, as there is doom and gloom, which one do you prefer? I hope happiness.

If so, cultivate it and share it. We all need something to smile about.

Stop Blaming Yourself, It’s Not Your Fault

There’s no use.

Stop blaming yourself for everything. Stop carrying on the abuse. It is what it is. Just let it be.

Don’t give up on yourself. Just give up on the cycle.

If you want a solution, if you want freedom, if you want peace, you have to give up the fight.

It’s just not working for any of us. It’s time to try something new.

It’s no one’s fault. There isn’t a single cause. Behind a flower is the sun, the rain, the seed and the earth. Just like a flower, your problems are also made up of many elements. Pointing the finger at yourself or anyone else is inaccurate. There are too many factors involved to blame just one.

It’s just a distraction from the problem itself. We’re hurt, we’re sad, we’re afraid and rather than facing the emotions, we would rather shift the blame.

It takes our minds off of the issues at hand. Emotions are hard to face, but that’s ok.

You can do better. You can be better. Just put down the gloves. They’re only blinding you from what’s here. And you need to see what’s truly here if you want change.

Blame isn’t a resolution. Guilt is useless.

I know you think that being hard on yourself is going to whip you into shape. But it’s only reinforcing the problem.

You’re going to battle against your own heart. You’re carrying on the hurt.

But you’re close to freedom. All it takes is a space in the clouds for the light to shine through.

Give yourself that space. Allow your light to shine through. Everything isn’t your fault. Everything isn’t your problem. Life is simple and beautiful when you let go of the complications.

Step back and remove yourself from the center. Everything is going to be all right.

Close your eyes, breathe in, breathe out and let go. Dedicate love to yourself. You need it more than anyone else.