About a year ago, I was frustrated with my job. Things didn’t seem to be going the way I wanted, so I decided it was time to leave.
I felt like I was invested in the company, but the company didn’t give a damn about almighty me.
I found a new job and even though it didn’t feel ideal, I wanted out of my current situation. It was a risk I was willing to take.
Now a year later, I’m back in the same position. Actually, it feels a little worse, but that’s probably just because we tend to over exaggerate things for our own justification.
How could this happen again?
Everything in life has the potential to cause stress. Both the good and the bad stuff. And stress is just another word for suffering. It’s the emotional equivalent of burning your tongue on hot pizza sauce. It just sucks.
But why do we continue to bite the pizza when we know it’s too hot? And why do we continue to make choices that have the potential to make things worse?
Basically, it boils down to the fact that we have desires. It’s not the pizza’s fault. It’s not the neighbor’s fault. It’s not the manager’s fault. It’s not the customer’s fault. It’s not even the DMV’s fault.
It’s our fault. In the most impersonal, non-self-identified way. We cause 99.9% of our own struggle. (It’s probably 100%, but for the sake of not killing all hope, let’s stick with the 99.9).
We want things to be a certain way and if they aren’t that way, BOOM, we’re suffering. Because we’re glued to OUR way. And when OUR way isn’t the way things go, it’s like grabbing at a dollar that’s tied to a string that’s being tugged by a 13-year-old hiding behind a tree. Essentially what we think we see, doesn’t exist the way we see it, so when we reach out for the dollar and it moves, it crushes our skewed sense of reality.
Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry and sometimes we get pissed off. But that’s life. It plays tricks on our minds. Life is a cruel teenager.
It’s only when we’re willing to let go of our constructed view of ourselves and our lives that we’re able to find freedom from the madness.
I’m looking for another job because I want to. But I have to remember that it’s not going to solve my problems. Because the most challenging problems take a substantial amount inner-work.
If we really want peace, regardless of what chaos is happening around us, we have to commit to the inner-work. No matter how impossible it feels.
Birds still sing in the rain. Why can’t we?
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