Putting Down Preferences

“If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease”

– Sengcan

As I meditated, my mind was full of thoughts, one after another. I tried to refrain from joining the chatter, but today my thoughts were highly persuasive. I imagined a road trip, rekindled with my stress and questioned my purpose. As the ending bell rang, I felt my meditation was unsuccessful. I had failed today.

This is my struggle “for or against”. The simple desire of wanting my meditation to be a certain way seems to prevent me from seeing whats true. I get caught up in the idea of the way things should” be and avoid being with the way things are. It seems that if I want relief from struggle, all I have to do is let go of my preference for or against. If my preference arises, allow it to be as it is, but don’t join in and believe it as true. I’ll see what I’m for, and what I’m against, but the outcome will no longer matter. I’ll have no preference for either.

Intellectually, I’m not sure if I can grasp this concept. What seems to resonate with me in relation to Sengcan’s quote is to never be for or against, just “see” for or against. The same way one would meditate, see thoughts arise, but not get caught in them. Then if one does get caught, simply see you are caught without wishing you weren’t.

Having faith in the mind as it is without imposing upon it your ideas, is peace. This can only be found through practice, through experience.

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