Everyday Life

The other day I was driving next to a pickup truck that was flying two American flags. They flapped in the wind as we drove.

When we stopped, I noticed how beat up both flags were. The edges were tattered and torn from the wind.

I thought to myself, how could the wind do that? Then I laughed and thought about how the invisible forces in our lives wear on us the same way.

But really these forces aren’t invisible. We just distract ourselves with busyness. Intentionally or unintentionally ignoring what’s too hard to handle.

Things like fear. Not fear of seeing the doctor. That’s little fear. I mean big fear, like the fear that we may leave this world never having achieved the things we had hoped to.

That’s hard to imagine. That’s hard to think about. That’s hard to live with. Continue reading

Is Thinking Such A Good Idea?

When I can’t scrape up the enthusiasm to write, I open Evernote and start journaling about my day.

Without a readily available cure for writer’s block, I have no choice but to shut up and write something. Anything.

Journaling will usually spark an idea, then I try my best to piece something together that’s halfway decent.

The other day, my journaling turned into a list. I tried writing down all the thoughts I had that day. It went something like… Continue reading

Don’t Waste Your Inspiration

Every time I sit down to write it’s like trying to push a boulder uphill. The amount of effort it takes to sit still and jot some words down is enormous.

Once in a while though, an idea will come that seems to write itself. Out of nowhere, a spark lights the fire.

When I first started getting these spurts of inspiration, I use to write a couple paragraphs, then get up. The energy that filled me felt like it should be spent on something else.

But then I realized that inspiration doesn’t last. It has to be taken advantage of otherwise it disappears. Continue reading

Life is a Cruel Teenager

About a year ago, I was frustrated with my job. Things didn’t seem to be going the way I wanted, so I decided it was time to leave.

I felt like I was invested in the company, but the company didn’t give a damn about almighty me.

I found a new job and even though it didn’t feel ideal, I wanted out of my current situation. It was a risk I was willing to take.

Now a year later, I’m back in the same position. Actually, it feels a little worse, but that’s probably just because we tend to over exaggerate things for our own justification.

How could this happen again? Continue reading

Please Don’t Forget About Us

Sometimes I hold my dog and he reminds me that relationships don’t last forever. Eventually one of us will have to go.

It feels like somehow he knows this better than I do. It’s hard to put into words.

I’ll be writing with my stomach and mind in knots because I can’t seem to get words to come out, and he’ll tap me on the forearm.

I’ll look over and he’s standing on his hind legs, with eyes made of glass saying Hey I’m still here, do you have a moment to spare?

We get pretty wrapped up with all the stuff that we do, to the point that we forget everything else that exists. Especially each other.

I don’t want to lose my connection to the world just because I’m busy. Most of the stuff I do probably isn’t even that important. I’d rather be here with my dogs, my girlfriend, my family and all of you than be doing some fruitless busy work.

If I can’t do that, I think I’d prefer to do nothing at all.

You know I keep trying to write these posts that are interesting. That’s the thing I’m always getting caught up in. How am I going to reach the world? How am I going to get people to read these words? How the heck am I going to turn this into a career?

When I write with those questions in mind, it doesn’t feel genuine. It’s just too calculated.

Good thing I usually end up throwing in the towel and writing something like you’re reading now. Because clearly, it’s more me.

We’re hopeless when we’re not ourselves. And being ourselves doesn’t involve conscious thought. It involves letting go of the ideas around who we think we are or who we think we should be and learning to live and be as we are. Something tells me that that’s more important than anything else.