Teach Me How Not To Care

I had a meeting the other day. I hate meetings.

It’s not that they aren’t necessary, they just don’t seem to accomplish anything.

At least the ones I’m part of.

The room slowly fills up with self proclaimed “assholes” who don’t mind being the “bad guy”.

They said it, not me.

Then that one guy who ignored his calendar reminder walks in 15 minutes late and asks questions for the rest of the meeting because he missed the first 10 slides.

Everyones chests puff up like birds as they prepare to defend their point.

How pointless.

But then there are those select few, usually one or two, who text, surf the web and day dream.

I admire them. They walk the line without any fear of getting caught. They don’t even try to act interested.

I’m always afraid. I’m always faking like I care. I’m a phony.

I do what’s expected of me because I’m too scared of what might happen if I don’t.

I care too much. I can’t get through the day without dreading the sound of my bosses footsteps.

I’d rather be the “bad employee”. The one everyone complains about over lunch as they scarf down hot wings.

Because maybe bad employees go home feeling free rather than feeling like they just ran a marathon.

That’s what fear, worry and self-consciousness feel like. A mental marathon.

My mind is tired. I don’t want to run anymore.

I just want to fly like a hawk and float in the wind. I just want to live.

Who cares about the impressions we make. Let’s just try to be good human beings. Our intentions are what matter.

Maybe I’ll get fired on Monday. Or maybe I’ll learn to love. Because love is unconditionally carefree.

We don’t give ourselves enough credit for being wonderful. We don’t give ourselves the chance to be grateful.

Our minds are flooded with mental makeup in an effort to cover our so called “flaws” in front of others.

We don’t have to do that anymore, we’re perfectly imperfect. No matter what they say or how we feel.

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